


Kiss the Girl, the Lobster Said

by ArgentNoelle, Sonia34



Category: Pushing Daisies, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 22:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8942710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentNoelle/pseuds/ArgentNoelle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonia34/pseuds/Sonia34
Summary: People from lots of fandoms go to a lake, which just happens to have a singing lobster in it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some chapters say "by ArgentNoelle," (we couldn't find a way to remove it) but they are all co-written.

Once upon a time, in a deep blue lake in the middle of a forest park, lived a lobster. The sun shone on the water and sparkled as the summer days lingered, growing hot. The wind blew itself playfully over the surface, making ever-changing ripples in the still, quiet sphere. And out went the boaters, paddling into the middle of the lake, a hush amidst the world.

And from out of the muddy bottom of the lake, the lobster rises. It hides itself just below the tips of the wavelets, in the shadowy lee of the boat.

Slowly, it begins to sing the song that will bring it nourishment, that draws the boaters lips together and their emotions into a frenzy of passion. And the lobster basks in the love, feeding on the emotions.

When the boaters leave, down goes the lobster, happy.

* * *

You wouldn’t believe the people that end up at this lake…


	2. Ned & Chuck

One morning, a pie-maker and a girl called Chuck donned their bee suits and drove into the country to take a romantic boat ride. Unbeknownst to them, below the surface of the lake sat a lobster that was quite out of the ordinary.

Ned and Chuck paddled the boat out into the water, and watched the sun on the lily-pads. Chuck thought that it was quite interesting, how lilies grow on lily-pads, in the middle of the water.

“I think it’s quite interesting, how lilies grow on lily-pads,” she said. “They’re just in the middle of the water.”

The pie-maker thought so too.

“I think so too,” said Ned.

Below the water, a lobster began to sing. ( _kiss the girl…_ ) Slowly, without quite knowing why they were doing it, the two leaned forward and kissed, which would have been a deadly mistake, if not for the bee-hats which they had worn on this occasion for the exact reason of them being in such close proximity in a large body of water.

The lobster frowned. Although these people were certainly happy, it was not exactly the effect he was looking for. He cleared his throat, and began to sing again.

Slowly, the pie-maker and the girl named Chuck took off their hats and laid them in the boat.

The pie-maker reached into his pocket and retrieved a large piece of plastic wrap.

“I didn’t know you brought that with you,” said Chuck.

“I find it’s always good to be prepared,” he said, and smiled. Then he held up the kitchen supply, and they kissed again.


	3. Troi & Riker

The Enterprise was on Shoreleave, and Riker and Troi were taking advantage of this fact to go to what Will assured Deanna was the most romantic boating spot in Federation space.

He grinned. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Deanna looked around. “It really is, Will. It’s very peaceful.” They paddled into the middle of the lake. Riker sat back, enjoying the afternoon, but Troi began to frown. She looked over the side of the boat.

“Is something wrong?” Riker asked.

“No…” she said. “Not really. It’s not a threat, but I seem to be sensing something.”

“Sensing something?” Riker peered over the edge, wishing he’d brought his phaser along. “What?”

“Lobster emotions.” Deanna smiled at his expression. “Why don’t we forget about that,” she suggested. “Didn’t we have plans?”

Riker gave one last glare at the placid water beside the boat, then relaxed. “About that…” he said, and Deanna laughed.

(The lobster seethed. Even the passionate kissing above the surface couldn’t cheer him up. He hadn’t even sung yet! These things were supposed to go in a certain order, with the song to nudge them along before they got to the good part. It was the principle of the thing.)

He sulked, and swam to the bottom of the lake, feeling quite upstaged.


End file.
